// Mekin

Disembodied Dog

2007-08-02T09:49:00.000-04:00

Got this postcard advertisement in the mail yesterday:

Anything strike you as particularly disturbing?

iTunes-like interface in JavaScript?

2007-07-04T02:58:00.000-04:00

It's true. I set out to mimic the iTunes Album Art interface using only JavaScript and came up with this.

Do wha?

Why would anyone do such a thing, you ask? In the ongoing effort to improve my own photography website and cool-point multiplier, I was brainstorming ways to display a series of photographs as art. Then I thought, "hey, that iTunes thing is pretty good -- why don't I just steal that?"

How?

Each piece of art has three states: left, forward, and right. The left and right bits slide back and forth -- easy. The clicked-upon artwork fades from its side slot in sync with the currently displayed piece. The img src of the forward piece is changed, then faded back in. Huzzah! Instant album art.

I'd like to thank Scriptaculous for providing such wonderful JavaScript functions for the sliding and fading. Prototype helped too.

Making the images, on the other hand, was also a challenge. Turns out Photoshop has a JavaScript-based scripting language! Who knew? You can't do everything, like make or use masks, which would be fantastic, but you can automate quite a bit. Also, the more limited macros helped.

Well, I'd say definitely worth staying up all night for. Happy Independence Day, to all you fellow USers.

Fun with the WHOIS Server

2007-03-28T17:15:00.000-04:00

A WHOIS lookup with query microsoft.com yielded the following results:

MICROSOFT.COM.ZZZZZ.GET.LAID.AT.WWW.SWINGINGCOMMUNITY.COM
MICROSOFT.COM.ZZZOMBIED.AND.HACKED.BY.WWW.WEB-HACK.COM
MICROSOFT.COM.ZZZ.IS.0WNED.AND.HAX0RED.BY.SUB7.NET
MICROSOFT.COM.WILL.LIVE.FOREVER.BECOUSE.UNIXSUCKS.COM
MICROSOFT.COM.WILL.BE.SLAPPED.IN.THE.FACE.BY.MY.BLUE.VEINED.SPANNER.NET
MICROSOFT.COM.WILL.BE.BEATEN.WITH.MY.SPANNER.NET
MICROSOFT.COM.WAREZ.AT.TOPLIST.GULLI.COM
MICROSOFT.COM.TOTALLY.SUCKS.S3U.NET
MICROSOFT.COM.SMELLS.SIMPLECODES.COM
MICROSOFT.COM.SHOULD.GIVE.UP.BECAUSE.LINUXISGOD.COM
MICROSOFT.COM.RAWKZ.MUH.WERLD.MENTALFLOSS.CA
MICROSOFT.COM.OHMYGODITBURNS.COM
MICROSOFT.COM.LOVES.ME.KOSMAL.NET
MICROSOFT.COM.LIVES.AT.SHAUNEWING.COM
MICROSOFT.COM.IS.NOT.YEPPA.ORG
MICROSOFT.COM.IS.NOT.HOSTED.BY.ACTIVEDOMAINDNS.NET
MICROSOFT.COM.IS.NOT.AS.COOL.AS.SIMPLECODES.COM
MICROSOFT.COM.IS.IN.BED.WITH.CURTYV.COM
MICROSOFT.COM.IS.GOD.BECOUSE.UNIXSUCKS.COM
MICROSOFT.COM.IS.A.STEAMING.HEAP.OF.FUCKING-BULLSHIT.NET
MICROSOFT.COM.IS.A.MESS.TIMPORTER.CO.UK
MICROSOFT.COM.HAS.ITS.OWN.CRACKLAB.COM
MICROSOFT.COM.HAS.A.PRESENT.COMING.FROM.HUGHESMISSILES.COM
MICROSOFT.COM.FILLS.ME.WITH.BELLIGERENCE.NET
MICROSOFT.COM.DRINKS.LISTERINE.NET
MICROSOFT.COM.CAN.GO.FUCK.ITSELF.AT.SECZY.COM
MICROSOFT.COM.ARE.GODDAMN.PIGFUCKERS.NET.NS-NOT-IN-SERVICE.COM
MICROSOFT.COM.AND.MINDSUCK.BOTH.SUCK.HUGE.ONES.AT.EXEGETE.NET
MICROSOFT.COM

Welcome to Jakarta, where the local time is: tomorrow.

2005-08-27T09:09:00.000-04:00

After 40 hours, Alex and I have safely arrived in Bogor, a suburb of Jakarta. We've spent the last four days at a friend of a friend's amazing house in Bogor. He's an American with plenty of excellent contacts to people who've done research in or near Kerinci Seblat national forest (where we will be). This is truly stroke of luck as his help has been enormously invaluable.

Trying to hit the ground running, we're flogging our way through the Indonesian bureaucracy, obtaining permits and visiting government offices left and right. We will be pleasantly "stuck" here for another few days before we can fly to Padang, then drive to Sungaipenuh, our ultimate destination within Kerinci.

Interesting experiences include riding an ojek (motorcycle taxi) and trying to explain to a taxi driver in a language I don't speak well directions to a place I don't know well. The food is a bit spicy, but apparently is nothing compared to where we're going. Sushi-Thai frequenters will be somewhat familiar with Padang-style foods and the possible spice-level.

Today we visited the (famed?) botanical gardens of Bogor, which was apparently a haven for rich Dutch merchants years ago. Quite enjoyable. Pictures uploaded next time.

I am

2005-08-16T14:49:00.000-04:00

In an attempt to copy Mike, I'm reporting all the things Tim is according to Google:

Tim is able to see his brother
Tim is back in action
Tim is now playing in Rome
Tim is a quiet and easy-going guy
Tim is of Norwegian and Irish descent although he is also 1/64 Cherokee
Tim is one of eleven contributing authors
Tim is co-author of Essential Oracle8i Data Warehousing
Tim is now offering individual philosophical counselling and philosophical coaching in London
Tim is NOT dead
Tim is dead
Tim is writing a book on Big Business's use of Big Government
Tim is Chief Executive Officer of InterKnowlogy
Tim is included with each TR1000 for Microsoft Speech Server
Tim is tightly integrated with Microsoft Speech Server
Tim is an emalgarmation of Ideas and Concepts that have helped to shape the Universe!!!
Tim is a tremendous example for all of us
Tim is toppled by Fred
Tim is leaving
Tim is beautiful people
Tim is a revealing experience
Tim is made out of a polystyrene ball
Tim is a paradigm for our community
Tim is tapping again
Tim is tooting his horn
Tim is a star gazer
Tim is expected to create a modest increase in IMF financing
Tim is one of the most acclaimed albums of its era
Tim is the most well-rounded character you've been asked to play
Tim is the one
Tim is also hanging onto the chair
Tim is now portable
Tim is this
Tim is dead
Tim is thinking
Tim is wearing a tie and masturbating a Bud Light as he dances
Tim is!
Tim is able to automatically identify these generic types
Tim is the coolest man ever to live.

And there you have it. All things Tim is.

Hippieville, here I come!

2005-08-06T15:42:00.000-04:00

I quit my job, sold my car, sold my washer/dryer, and gave away my computer. I'm trading it all in for a big backpack that I can sew a few flags onto. I've gone at least 2 months without a haircut, and about 3 weeks since my last shave.

And I'm moving to Indonesia.

I have some great stories about haggling with my insurance company over the extension to year-long anti-Malaria prescription coverage, but instead I think I'll just quote some of the expected side effects of Ciprofloxacin, an anti-diarrhea drug:

"SIDE EFFECTS: Stomach upset, loss of appetite, diarrhea, nausea, headache, ..."

(emphasis added) Yep, a side effect of anti-diarrhea medication is diarrhea. My how far we've come in modern medicine.

But actually, it is quite amazing what we can do. Currently, or within 3 days, I will be shielded from polio, tetanus, diphtheria, Japanese encephalitis, rabies, hepatitis A & B, mumps, measles, rubella, and typhoid. Huzzah!

Grown women say "retard"

2005-07-19T21:16:00.000-04:00

I was watching the President's address this evening concerning the naming of the next Supreme Court Justice Roberts while cleaning up the kitchen a bit. PBS apparently only carried it on their HDTV channel, so I had to switch to a snowy CBS broadcast ("why watch what everyone else is watching?"). The moment the briefing ended I expected anchors seated about a news desk to discuss the implications of the new choice, Roberts' decision record, his stance on abortion, etc. Instead, CBS immediately returned to whatever program they had interrupted to bring us the 8 minute EXTRAORDINARY POLITICAL NEWS, and before I could make it to the remote, I was tuned into some reality show concerning a group of insecure 30 year old sorority girls and shallow frat boys, literally parading around in front of sunbathing women flexing their muscles.

The panel of women were discussing the implications of their newly obtained "veto power", presumably some democratic method of removing a male contestant. All the women were blonde, and all spoke with an interesting rhythm of raising the pitch of their voice on every other word, like, ya know? I didn't know people really spoke like that outside of middle school. And the blondest of them actually used the phrase, "she's a retard", referring to her teammates' compassion for the male she was casting a vote against.

Moments after the retard comment, I learned that owning a Kia Sportage would make my life fundamentally better, Arm & Hammer baking soda employs magical power crystals that whisk away odor ogres to the magical land of Narnia, Ranch salad dressing apparently has some frightening neurological side effects inducing hallucinations that make you think you're sitting in the middle of a field, and I can't live without at least 200 channels of television at my disposal.

And with that I leave you to return to my book concerning an adventure across Borneo.

Great moments in acquisition

2005-07-02T13:15:00.000-04:00

"Swing away, Merrill; swing away."

Signs
Graham Hess, realizing all the unfortunate "random events" in his life have coalesced into a convenient, "miraculous" situation that implies a higher power is indeed watching over him and his family. His late wife's dying breath "Tell Graham: see, swing away, Merrill", is in fact not the result of random nerve firings, but an important message that only makes sense in the context of total catastrophe.

"He is the one."

The Matrix
Morpheus, after Neo rises from the dead, confirming Morpheus' life's quest to discover the one, thus saving humanity, was not in vain.

"Fire at will!"

Star Trek: Nemesis
Captain Picard, upon learning the position of Shinzon's ship through the power of Troy's telepathy, and is not, as commonly thought, referring to his first officer.

"That's not true; that's impossible!"

Star Wars Episode V: The Empire Strikes Back
Luke Skywalker, after searching his feelings to confirm Darth Vader is indeed his father.

"It works! I've finally invented something that works!"

Back to the Future
Emmett "Doc" Brown, after learning that despite enduring decades of failed inventions, eventually he will invent a working time machine, out of a DeLorean.

"A strange game; the only winning move is not to play."

War Games
Joshua, a program designed to play a series of nuclear warfare simulation "games" running on the WOPR (War Operations Plan and Response), a computer that controls the entire arsenal of ICBMs in the United States, upon learning that the best way to "play" a nuclear warfare game is not to, something Joshua learns in a matter of days while his human counterparts still haven't figured it out.

"Mr. McKittrick, after careful consideration, sir, I've come to the conclusion that your new defense system sucks."

War Games
General Jack Beringer, providing analysis of the WOPR (see above) just before Joshua reaches his decision about the futility of war and is on a seemingly irreversible path to plunge the World into a nuclear holocaust by launching every ICBM in the United States towards Russia in standard total annihilation fashion, not being able to understand the difference between a computer simulation and the real world. This confirms the General's earlier misgivings about entrusting the safety of the nation to "some silicon diode."

"I am Tyler Durden."

Fight Club
Tyler Durden, upon learning that he and his alter terrorist ego, are in fact the same person.

"They're using our own satellites against us, and the clock is ticking."

Independence Day
David Levinson, revealing to the President irrefutable proof of the aliens' hostile intent in the form of a simple countdown.

"You've found the primer?!"

Contact
Dr. Elenoire Arroway, realizing Mr. Hadden has discovered the coveted "primer", the key to decoding the alien message, possibly facilitated by his creating the message in the first place.

We like to drink

2005-07-01T20:09:00.000-04:00

Apparently, my coworkers and I enjoy a good drink, now and then. Today we visited "Firebird's" - a Rocky Mountain themed grill/bar - for lunch. It was yummy and all, but everyone got a drink, so I did too (they were most impressed with my unprompted ordering of an 'extra dry, dirty Sapphire martini'. So I've earned the respect and admiration of my coworkers through alcohol, so what? Then we went on to have several rounds of shots, followed by a return to work. Most enjoyable. I had to work late just to be sure I could drive home safely -- just kidding.

Tomlinson: Using the worst yardstick ever

2005-06-30T22:11:00.000-04:00

Like most hardcore listeners of NPR, I've been inundated with various accounts and discussions of CPB Chairman Tomlinson's clandestine study of bias in public broadcasting. Using for his yardstick, the personal ideals or party status of those associated with NPR, PBS, etc., Tomlinson hopes to demonstrate a left-leaning bias towards reporting. Now hold it right there. What no one seems to be questioning is this: if a supposedly objective journalist's personal views affect his/her reporting of objective fact, we've got much bigger problems, folks.

You might be able to show that most NPR journalists are registered democrats while most Fox News correspondents are registered republicans, but that shouldn't be the basis for determining the bias of that news gathering organization. A true journalist is supposed to completely disconnect his/her personal opinions of the way things should be, or what is right and wrong, and report the news. In order to show a bias in the show, you're going to have to do much more than simply show NPR affiliates are liberal, Mr. Tomlinson.

Now, I know that the study looked at much more than that. It categorized the political stance of the guests or callers on the show as well. Still, to even suggest that PBS is left-leaning because the host happens to be a liberal, or believe this or that (providing he/she doesn't announce it on the show or tout it around like fact), should have nothing to do with any supposed bias of the show. If it does, then that is a completely separate issue, and one of a much more serious nature.

I want to be a soggy headless midsection

2005-06-26T12:27:00.000-04:00

In my on going quest for fame and/or fortune, I think my best chance for sequeing into the former would be to appear in one of those news reports on fat people depicting a bunch of dangerously obese persons milling about on a public street with their heads cut off so their identities are "protected." I could wear an identifiably loud tee-shirt, get really fat, and parade around in public areas hoping to be picked up on the nightly news. Then, when the talk is of who the headless, loud tee-shirt wearing, soggied midsection, gross-out fest is...that's when I make my move. My business model looks something like this:

Get really fat
?
Profit!

Then, to further capitalize on this great scheme, all I need to do is lose all that weight faster than is reasonable or safe, and claim I owe it all to the currently vogue diet.

For example, the Detroit 2% fast-food tax diet. Because a $10/year increase in my daily fast food habit will really cause me to lose weight.

Advertising at its best: can you guess the product?

2005-06-26T11:09:00.000-04:00

Hello, do you want to speFrance the most coveted possession in the West Indies. Thend Iess on your meddications?

Our new great offwithout orders? He raved on furiously, his officers supportinger -

Sthe fortitude of a fatalist.ave over 75% with Pharmacreversed it so that the bulb containing the red sand was uppermost,yByMail Shop

VlAGRdaughter trembled. Mr. Blood reassured them.A ClALlcompatriot, never wavered in loyalty to Captain Blood. The FrenchS VAhe agrees to them.LlUM LThe Governor would never allow it. He has the gout, and his ladyEVlTRA and many other.

With each purrcBlood were both guilty of treason, the first for having harbouredhase you get:

Twho, too late, strove desperately to cut her adrift.op quaIity

Best pwait. For some moments they groped there on hands and knees,rices

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Home deIiver75 deg. 30' W. Long. by 17 deg. 45' N. Lat., so that they had Jamaicay

P.S. Try us and you will not be disappointeand disposed for his own pride's sake to treat the buccaneer'sd!

Right, so, um, I'll be sure to help Captain Blood whenever I can then.

What would ya say ya do here?

2005-06-26T00:40:00.000-04:00

I can now answer this quesiton reasonably well. In RTI's training simulation modules designed to teach military personnel how to maintain and/or operate hardware in the field (i.e. a radio), each interactable device must respond appropriately. That is, when you flip the power switch and the power cable is connected in the virtual world, the appropriate lights must flash. If cable X is defective, the alarm must sound, etc. Hence my title of Simulation Behaviors Engineer. I (and otheres) control the behaviors of the simulated devices.

Google rekindles nostalgia for HKIS

2005-06-25T00:01:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Google Maps, which recently added high resolution satellite images of several non-US cities, I've managed to reconnect with my childhood. Behold:

The white blob is Hong Kong International School which I attended about 15 years ago when I was 9-10. The rectangle immediately northeast of that is the apartment my family and I lived in during our stay. This was in an area of Hong Kong known as Repulse Bay:

And just for continuity's sake, here's Hong Kong Island:

Also of interest, the image on HKIS's homepage of the people forming a giant HKIS logo, reproduced here without permission:

I'm in that photo. I know because they took it to commemorate HKIS's 25th year when I was there. And there's no possibility they've ever recreated that formation. Ever.

They call me "Doogie"

2005-06-20T18:40:00.000-04:00

Today my collar is white. Officially. Yes, that's right, ardent fans, I'm an official RTI employee. Behold:

The drive to the office was unfortunately eventful, despite having made a test-run yesterday. It turns out that all those construction signs that don't mean anything on Sundays do mean things on Mondays. And then at the orientation, I followed signs leading to a building whose entrance was blocked off by...yes, pedestrian walkway construction. Awesome. But getting-there-type snags aside, it was a productive day. One of the more productive I've had. And behold, I'm making money!

All my coworkers were very receptive to the new blood received today; I came on board with a half dozen others today. And I've already got a nick-name. Apparently, I've had it since my first interview last December. Yep, it's "Doogie", as in Doogie Howser, the very young, but very bright TV MD from the 80's. Like myself, the "real" Doogie had blonde, curly hair, a 15-year-old face, and medical creditentials from an accredited institution. Wait, I might not have all those features. Anyway, please don't ask what I'll be doing because I still don't really have much idea. More on that Wednesday.

[Added @ 7:12] Yeah, so the whole growing facial hair to make everyone think I'm at least 20 didn't work so well. The damage has been done; might as well shave it off.

star wars propaganda poster of bush

2005-06-19T20:59:00.000-04:00

search.msn.com with the query "star wars propaganda poster of bush" lists our very own www.mekin.net super happy number 1! Awesome. I spread propaganda.

What the Deuce?

2005-06-19T20:29:00.000-04:00

Thanks to Fox's bizarre ordering of episodes, I was completely unaware that last Sunday Family Guy aired a new episode, the intended 8th of the season when there have only been 4 before it. What the deuce, I ask. I went to tvtome.com to learn when the next episode, presumably ep 5, would air, and discovered it hadn't yet. Well, luckily I was able to download and finish watching it just now so as to prepare myself for the upcoming episode in about 20 minutes. Which will it be? 6? 12? Who knows?

Well, it's been a quiet week in Oak Ridge, Tennessee, my hometown. Mike drove to Durham to hang out Tuesday night. Hilarity ensued. We then left simultaneously for Oak Ridge on Thursday night after spending much time poolside. The trip home took a bit longer than anticipated due to a very necessary stop at an Asheville pub, and a trip to the Smokies for our firefly viewing pleasure. All in all, quite an adventure. A quick father's day celebration, some hellos/huzzahs to some new fathers, and off to Durham I went!

And I'm back. I made a practice run to RTI this afternoon, testing multiple routes for swiftness and adventure factor. Just 13 hours until my first day of work, real benefits kick in, actually do something productive, etc. day. It's been a fun six months. I've been to Paris, Madrid, & the beach, and spent some quality time with Beija.

Ready to jump in...

+ Read on...

... and Introducing John Aiden

2005-06-14T15:20:00.000-04:00

Look what John & Andrea made!

He looks so responsible. Makes me think I should do something with my life...no, no -- posting blogs all day is certainly a worthy enterprise.

But seriously, huzzahs all around! HUZZAH!

Baba Ghanouj

2005-06-14T15:13:00.000-04:00

I made baba ghanouj for the first time yesterday, yet another culinary triumph attributable to my new food processor. It was surprisingly easy, and even more surprisingly tastey. I think it may even rival Neomonde's (hah!), previously voted best in the Triangle.

Getting into: < < < pinback > > >

Eureka!

2005-06-13T21:32:00.000-04:00

I had a brilliant thought. The video game industry is a multi-billion dollar a year giant. However, video games have changed in only one way over the last seven years: graphics. Graphical tricks, effects, processing power have made some great leaps and bounds. Right now there is a huge push towards more realistic physics, especially with the recent announcement of the first physics processing card. But all these areas of concentration to not lead to greater enjoyment, only a greater "wow" factor. Good looking games will only interest players as far as level one unless the gameplay itself holds some merit.

Consider the movie industry. Very similar things have happened in the special effects arena. There are some eye-poppingly amazing movies out there, graphically speaking, which were basically a huge flop at the box office. (Think Final Fantasy, a movie that assigned one processor to each strand of hair on the main character, but didn't do so well, story wise. Don't get me wrong; I liked it very much, the story and the graphics. And then there's Finding Nemo, a story which was not only graphically stunning, but had a terrific, heart pulling story. And this is what made the movie: the story. They can talk on and on about the quantum leaps made in the graphics department at Pixar, but in the end it was the story that people went to see.

Back to video games -- you've got your first person shooters, your real-time strategy warfare, & your fantasy role playing games. But there haven't been any new genres in recent years, only eye candy. There's a difference between Pac-Man & Asteroids and Doom & Warcraft. But not between Doom & Halo, two games separated by nearly a decade. What we need, is not a new piece of hardware, but a new style of game entirely.

In order to move forward, games must have an incredible multiplayer aspect. I understand Halo 2 has a 64 multiplayer capability. 64 players in the same battle. An amazing infrastructure, but the problem is that if you throw yourself into a 64 person game, it becomes mayhem. What we really need, is a command structure. A team of 32 players with a rigid command structure, that practices together on a regular basis. Now that would be fun. For the first time, it would be a chance to use real strategy, instead of simply overwhelming force or superior marksmanship.

One of my favorite games is about six years old, called Total Annihilation. It's a real-time strategy warfare game involving air, ground, & sea mechs & terrain. You've got your typical resource harvesting aspect (energy/metal) and the goal is to...totally annihilate your enemy. Now there are a number of prospective strategies, such as building cheap scout units, using them to draw the enemy into a bottleneck or valley, then reigning fire from heavy guns on ridges. But alas, the units are too numerous, too cumbersome, and too stupid to control effectively during battle. All attempts at real strategies fall completely apart, leaving the only viable solution: amass a single enourmous army faster than your enemy. And the only way to do that is through effective resource managment. So the game becomes all about efficiency and resource handling. Now this can be fun too, but real cunning, military tactics, etc. go out the window.

But don't redesign the game. Simply allow other human teammates to take control of smaller armies, call them "toons". So your army consists of several toons of computer units, each controlled by a human toon leader. Each toon leader can only control the units in his/her own toon. A single commander gives orders to his/her toon leaders. The same for first person shooters. In order to establish such a system, we would need regular teams, like soccer or volleyball teams. Intermural sports like. Except the people can be anywhere. Kind of like today's clans, but, ya know, not stupid.

If any of this sounds familiar, it's because I came up with this while trying to decide how best to turn Ender's Game into a fun video game. Then I realized what makes it fun is not the game, but the strategy of it. Today's games don't allow for any real strategy. It's really mostly skill/force, i.e. I can snipe you better than you can snipe me. My driver is better at evading rockets than yours. All important aspects, but strategy should at least enter into it. It doesn't.

+ Read on...

Jackson is...nobody cares!

2005-06-13T18:02:00.000-04:00

So I made the unrecoverable error of turning on the local news this evening around 5ish, just in time to catch the Michael Jackson verdict. Hey, great, so he's not guilty. Does anyone care? I mean, I know the hundreds of protestors/supporters gathered outside the courthouse (dont't these people have jobs, or other famial responsibilites?) care, but fanatics aside, why did every major network on the air have to interrupt normal programming to bring me the Jackson verdict? And then do an "around the world in 30 seconds" news bit. Devoting ten minutes to the reading of the verdict and 15 minutes for discussion of implications afterward was certainly a dignified use of the powerful pulpit from which news corporations bellow.

Behold! My new reign of terror begins!

2005-06-12T21:39:00.000-04:00

Right, so I'm all moved in then. This was a weekend of many joys, the start of great things. Let's see, Friday, John+Andrea created an entirely new entity call John Aiden, which is pretty amazing when you don't stop to think about it. And uber-stupefying when you do. Life seems to be, by quite a large margin, the least likely thing that has ever happened. Yet here we are.

Secondly, Ken+Amna embarked on a great journey, in a way, into marriage. But in a much more realistic way, they actually did. Which is not quite so improbable, but still pretty cool. As executive vice president of the bachelors, I selected a park to camp in, then dragged several unmarried men and one soon-to-be married male hugh-mon there after it closed. My car, not equipped with turbo boost (as usual), did not make it over the locked gates. Thus, it was determined that we park at Mr. Raper's discount delivery something-or-other and hike into the park-and-camp grounds.

The hiking was adventursome, the grilling was yummy, and the sleeping was as much fun as 5 guys and a dog in a 2 man tent with booze could be. Then we left at sunrise to avoid the rangers, of which there was one, which we evaded. Arriving back at my new home around 7am, we promptly fell to the floor, unconcious. Meanwhile, the sun continued its terrible blaze across our side of the planet. Eventually, I awoke to find everyone else still encapsulated in the terrible stream of unconciousness, however, mostly alive. All was well until we realized that parasites live in forests. So we spent the afternoon feasting off ticks pulled from each other. Mmmm...a delicious day that was!

But then we managed to get back on track with the whole "wedding" thing, boxing Amna into the lilly pad, thus sealing her fate. Which she thoroughly enjoyed.

What crazy antics will I reveal next? My parents have been married for 34 years today. They were high school sweethearts. What a weekend.

Yep, that's what spending the whole day watching Futurama will do to your speech patterns.

The unbelievers! The time has come to convert them...into radioactive dust!

Insane theories: 1, Regular theories: 1,000,000,000.

+ Read on...

Whoa.

2005-06-07T12:16:00.000-04:00

Grass on the beach from my latest trip to Emerald Isle.

Of the results of this trip, I'd say the above photo represents the highlight. Katie and I have broken up after 2 years, 9 months. So the bad news is I need to find a new place to live, but the good news is I'm no longer considered a fonicator by the state of North Carolina.

I moved into a new apartment in Durham last Friday called Alexan Place. It's not too shabby if I do say so myself. Fireplace, 9 foot ceilings, washer/dryer in each flat, 828 sq ft. I'll make photos available as soon as my furniture is fully operational, hopefully Thursday.

Well, I'm a Fool

2005-05-18T17:51:00.000-04:00

Got another call from RTI yesterday. Now they want to make it June 20^th. I'm a fool.

Would you like some car to go with that egg?

2005-05-12T17:52:00.000-04:00

My car got egged sometime yesterday morning. Huzzah! It happened sometime between 2am and 2pm, but I'm assuming the vandals used the cover of darkness for their fun. Oddly there were no other cars around on the street I parked, so I can't quite explain why I was singled out. Maybe my Anyone but Bush sticker was found offensive. Well, that would be right on spot, wouldn't it? Every passionate anti-anti-bush person tries to kill, mame, destroy, cut-off, or silence anyone who disagrees whilst anti-bushers always say "interesting...let's engage in a rational discussion regarding this topic." Err, um, at least in my experience. This is a purely objective viewpoint.

RTI Update

2005-05-11T17:52:00.000-04:00

Now with more June 1st.

I meet the legal definition of a fornicator.

According to North Carolina law, I am in clear violation of the Fornication and Adultery Statute because I live with my unmarried girlfriend. I suppose I would remain in violation if she were married to someone else as well. Anyway, my favorite part of this article is where the executive director for the NC Family Policy Council, a conservative group, supports this 200 year-old law, citing studies suggesting premarital cohabitating couples do not enjoy successful marriages. Naturally, this is an important point to consider before moving in together, but do "violators" really deserve six months in prison? So the Family Policy Council thinks making people obey certain courting rituals on pain of prison will make marriages work? Whose business is it of theirs how I choose to conduct a marriage? And who said people who live together have to get married anyway?

Ironically, this law removes heterosexuals' rights to live together premaritally, while saying nothing of homosexual couples, since two or more same sex persons may live together without fear of doing hard-time (as an actor said to a bishop). I'd wager there are few laws that simultaneously find favor with conservatives and give more rights to gay couples.

Special thanks to Alex for bringing this to my attention.

Well, I'm an idiot

2005-05-03T17:53:00.000-04:00

Sunday night's Family Guy was named "North by North Quahog". And I thought I was so clever.

Family Guy is Back!

2005-05-01T17:54:00.000-04:00

Cary Grant deftly evades a biplane wielding the lead sandwich special

Just watched the much anticipated return of Family Guy. Well done, well done. I'd really like to introduce more people to great movies like North by Northwest, so often parodied in Groenian animation. Anytime a character narrowly escapes death by a bullet vomiting biplane in a corn field, you have North by Northwest to thank (although, curiously, the biplane in North by Northwest initially tried to smother Cary Grant with pesticide, something not often repeated). The DVD cover art actually depicts this scene. Finding reasons for main characters to appear in rural corn furtile lands is another thing. Remember the Simpsons where Marge develops a fear of flying? "This is what a cornfield looks like. Oh." That happened in tonight's Family Guy too, but the secret hideout atop Mt. Rushmore was a dead giveaway, made all the better by it belonging to Mel Gibson.

Grant and Saint hang precariously from Mt. Rushmore.

Anyway, if you want to enrich your life with yet another Hitchcock triumph, don't hesitate to call.

On a much more depressing note, I subjected myself to nearly half of American Dad's second excrementing…er, airing. Blah. What happened MacFarlane? I would say American Dad is Family Guy's evil twin, but I think it can be more aptly described as Family Guy's neck boil which rotted off and promptly recongealed in a gutter somewhere as American Dad.

RTI Update

2005-04-21T18:03:00.000-04:00

My new estimated start date is May 16^th. I can't stress enough how I've been counting down the days. To pass the time, I've been dabbling in yard work around town which has the added benefit of providing miniscule funds so that I don't starve before I can really rake it in, as it were. I love to compare the amount I make per week doing yard work to the amount I'd make in a half day working at RTI. For example, if I'd started RTI on April 4^th as originally planned, I'd have already made about twice as much as in the last two months doing webdesign, and more than enough to completely finance my earlier trips to France & Spain.

Not that I'm driven by money -- no no. I have no interest in acquiring wealth beyond wealth, but I would like very much not to have to think about it. Also, graduate school, culinary school, extensive travel, entrepenueral concepts, etc. are all possibilities on the horizon -- all things that having a bit of savings wouldn't hurt in the least.

I'm also trying to get back into tutoring. I've been to Raleigh's Haven House: Project READY a few times to flex my math muscles for determined, however unfortunately undereducated, youth. This does mean I've been getting out of the house and interacting with real, live human beings; and I always have Beija to keep me occupied.

Chiefly British

2005-04-20T18:04:00.000-04:00

I finally uncovered the meaning of the chiefly british phrase "as an actor said to a bishop". I still have yet to learn the etymology of this phrase, but here is the gist of the meaning:

In normal conversation, when something is said with a possible sexual double meaning, intoning this popular phrase acknowledges and brings attention to the double entendre; it is similar to the phrase, "no pun intended". Example:

Honey, could stroke my pole a bit? Oh, as an actor said to a bishop!

Now exactly why actors are making sexual references to bishops is beyond me at the moment. Anyone with information should send an email to with all speed.

In the news today

2005-04-17T18:04:00.000-04:00

This is interesting - the Capitol Hill Prayer Alert Foundation: a group that doesn't realize it's possible to love the Gospel and be a Christian without cramming it down everyone else's throat. Apparently, making it illegal to force your beliefs on others is to "hate the Gospel".

Fox News Alert: DeLay finds support amongst decent gun-loving Americans whilst taking a "tongue-lashing" from those radical left-wingers. Includes pictures of good 'ole Tom smiling smugly while hard-ass Howard Dean is depicted spitting venom. No Spin Zone my ass.

Spotted Snow Leopards

2005-04-17T17:47:00.000-04:00

I was just using this beautiful Sunday afternoon to catch up on some happenings in the World, and I decided to get some updates on Ms. Ayala, the woman claiming to have found a finger in her bowl of Wendy's chili. It turns out Sandy Allman of Pahrump believes the finger tip may belong to her, since it was bitten off by her spotted snow leopard. Naturally. Ya know, I hate to deviate from Ms. Ayala's fifteen minutes here, but does anyone else find it odd that you could find a spotted snow leopard in a private home in rural America? What the hell is this woman doing with such an animal? Apparently she keeps it as a pet. Well, I love my dog enough to let it sleep at the foot of my bed, but I think personal dismemberment is where I draw the line. Still not as bad as the woman who reported to authorities in total disbelief that her beloved LION had eaten her two-year-old after she LEFT HER CHILD ALONE WITH THE LION.

I am, however, quite impressed with the general public's refusal to believe or be unsettled by the finger allegations. During this time where the media tries to make us afraid of everything, including making preparations for a possible life as a vegetable, most people seem to be refusing the hype. Despite the fact that Wendy's claims to be downsizing amidst lost revenue due to Ayala's claims, people were jokingly stuffing their faces with Wendy's chili the very next day at the same restaurant. Good for them. I mean good for not buying into the hype, not polluting their bodies with something as horrendous as fastfood chili. Even those who believe it was really a finger from an industrial accident and not added by Ayala are not concerned with disease, since the finger was well-cooked.

In the words of Ralph Woodman, "It had to be some sort of screwball ruse."

Job? What Job?

2005-04-06T18:05:00.000-04:00

Despite my presumed start date of April 4, I write this article now due to a disappointing phone call I received March 31. It turns out the federal government hasn't quite processed all the necessary paperwork to ensure that RTI will get their big government contract, which means, of course, that I'm destined once again to do nothing for a while. Alas, it is not time for despair; I got the job, I just can't start the job. For a while. Maybe never…but probably soon.

My new found emptiness is different than previously. Previously I knew I had nothing to do for a while and hence strategically placed inane obstacles in my life, such as web design for hire and vehicular repair. For the past couple of weeks I've been feeling a bit of the "ready, steady, …" syndrome as my adrenaline levels slowly increased in anticipation of my newly found busyness. But since I had not planned on not working this week, I naturally planned nothing else. So I'm left with a sudden loss of breath that's claimed my remaining scotch.

Classic time-wasters include working on my website, web design for hire, walking beija, & getting my car fixed. Frankly, I'm sick of web design. And it's spring. The outdoors calls, but only beija will answer. And besides, my laptop vomited a load of dust bunnies recently and the cooling fan hasn't been the same since. I have been considering embarking on a spiritual quest, but I'm not sure how much time I've got.

And herein lies the fundamental problem: I don't know how much time I've got. I may have anywhere from a week to a month before I start, so it's difficult to plan. Being the utterly broke, unemployed slag that I am it would be nice to find a short term project that might earn me a bit of extra cash. But then, how can you sign up for a job when you know you may only have a week? Or more; different frogs, different times. Oops, slipped into The Office references again. I must remember not to watch that show quite so many times a day.

Free time on the freelove freeway; the love is free and the time is long…

RTI Update

2005-02-28T18:06:00.000-05:00

So here's the latest happening with RTI: I received what's called a "contingency offer package" which is an official written job offer; but it is contingent upon RTI being awarded a contract for which they deemed they needed to hire people in the first place. I'll be making more money than I was at Virtual Reality Aids, Inc. and receiving a very generous benefits package that makes my last health plan look like a daily-beating package. The dental plan alone is 40 pages long. Anyway, this provides some vindication that my gamble was a very good one.

If all goes well, I'll start work on April 4, 2005 as a "Simulation Behaviors Engineer" in the Division for Technology Assisted Learning. I'll probably be in a team of about 5 people working on several aspects of RTI's virtual reality learning software. The aspect with the highest "coolness" rating: most of the software is for training military personnel, which requires various levels of restricted access clearance. Check back in April when I have more details on what I'm actually doing…

The Stealth Squad

2005-02-05T16:02:00.001-05:00

This is another story that is a consequence of growing up in a small town and being friends with Mike.

In high school, my good friend Mike and I would sometimes drive to the least light-polluted place we could find and sit on the hood of one of our cars and watch meteor showers or stars while commenting on life. It's very relaxing and I highly recommend this activity for getting your thoughts out. This story takes place along a rural highway just outside of Oak Ridge. Because this particular highway ran parallel to the bank of a lake, the only connections to the highway were small gravel parking lots where people would park their cars and dump their motor boats into the lake. Officially, these little gravel inlets were city parks that had official closing times after dark. Apparently they were occasionally patrolled by Anderson County Police.

I will take a brief moment to discuss the difference between Oak Ridge City Police and Anderson County Police for those not familiar with the difference. OR cops are the nicest, most helpful people you will ever encounter. They usually speak in complete sentences with appropriate diction. They even have a sense of humor. Anderson County cops are the manifestation of the small hick town, evolutionarily backwards, power-crazed cop stereotype. It's difficult to cut through their thick accents to comprehend what they're grumbling at you. And even if you could, you'd still be left with the task of rearranging word order and swapping verb tenses to decipher this mess of Hicklish being thrown your general direction.

So one night, Mike and I decided to go star gazing and drove down the familiar highway. When we made it to the "park", charitably described as a clearing of trees near a bank, we noticed two cop cars hanging out on one end of the car park. They had pulled up next to each other, but facing opposite directions the way cops do so they can talk to each other while sitting in their cars with the engine running. They had their parking lights on. Remember, Mike and I are specifically looking for an area void of light pollution so as to better watch the night sky. The cops are not exactly in stealth-mode. We decided not to pull up right next to them; instead we drove right past them and parked at the other end of the lot.

As I had been telling a story to Mike as we drove, we didn't immediately hop onto the hood of his car. Instead we remained inside the car while I finished my story. Within a couple of minutes something happened that I hope to never have the pleasure of again. During the 120 seconds we'd been sitting there chatting, one cop had snuck up directly behind us, and the other took up a position perpendicular, so that he was facing the driver's side door. I should mention at this point that they were still in their cars. Simultaneously, they turned on their highbeams and search lights and drove at full speed, stopping a few feet from the trunk and driver's side door. Damn! How did they get there? I guess they figured we hadn't seen them when we had driven right past them two minutes ago, what with their cloaking device and all. I mean, I know cops think criminals are stupid, but if we had criminal intent, why would we park 10 feet from two cop cars with their parking lights on? How stupid did they think we were?

They approached our car with caution, adjusting their belts nestled about their soggy midsections. One cop grumbled something that I translated as "whatju buoys up to dis evenin'?" Mike replied, "oh, nothing. Just pulled in to have a chat." They cop came back with "big mistake. Park's closed suun." It was hard not to laugh. What did the cops think they had here? These two cops were given the momentous task of guarding a gravel lot with a five car capacity in the middle of nowhere, and they needed to flex their authority a bit with a coordinated pouncing? Meanwhile the other cop was looking suspiciously around the exterior of the car. Looking for gunports? I can only guess.

After a few inaudible growls, he reassured us that we were "free to go". We promptly left. Now there is a shining example of America's police force who so richly deserved their donuts that night.

UT Knoxville Cop

2005-02-05T16:02:00.000-05:00

I grew up in a small town in Tennessee near Knoxville. Since there was not much to do in Oak Ridge after 9pm, nor was anything open, we would often venture to the bustling metropolis that is "K-Town". This story took place a few years ago when Mike and I were freshmen, and Mike was attending the University of Tennessee, Knoxville.

On one of our usual, nothing-better-to-do type nights, Mike and I decided the evening would best be spent attempting to triangulate something using a map, a compass, and a tall landmark, such as the Sun Sphere (iconic World's Fair thing in Knoxville). We'd never attempted anything so bold before, and it was an interesting application of math. So we set out around midnight to triangulate something.

It immediately became apparent that we needed to get above street-level because we couldn't look very far in any direction; we needed to get above the many short buildings in our way. So we drove to the top of a parking garage. This seemed like a nice plan until we discovered the iron beams used in the garage's construction were interfering with our compass. This led to a discussion regarding compass construction, which quickly became our new evening venture.

Somehow, we ended up wondering around Knoxville at 2am looking for possible compass construction materials. So we decided to park near the Knoxville ?walkway? to further discuss the nuances of compass construction while getting some fresh air. The closest place to park was on a street between UT's campus and a parking garage. On the other side of the garage was the walkway.

So we ventured down to our coveted walkway and had a nice long chat/walk. Well, around 3am we decided it was getting kind of late and we headed back towards the car. The most direct route from the walkway to the car was to pass through the parking garage, which, at 3am on a Sunday, was quite empty. A car drove slowly down the street as we made our way out of the garage towards my car. Later we would learn this was our neighborly UTK cop.

We got in the car and started down the road with intentions of finding our respectful homes in Oak Ridge. Naturally, there was a construction site in the middle of the road we happened to be on, requiring us to make a small detour. Because we were so close to Mike's dorm, he was most familiar with that immediate area, we turned into the dorm's parking lot to regain our bearing. During this process, the cop, who apparently found something suspicious about two young men emerging from an empty downtown parking garage at 3am, had made a U-turn and was following us. As soon as we pulled into the dorm's parking lot, the familiar glow of pulsating blue lights washed over us. Apparently, we had made some suspicious moves and now that we were on his "turf" he could apply the rigorous investigative skills of the UT police force.

He explained that he pulled us over because he wanted to know what we were doing in a parking garage so early in the morning, and he reminded us of his authority to pose such questions as we were now on UT's campus. Of course, we had only passed through a parking garage after being on the UT ?walking? for nearly an hour, so we had no idea what he was talking about. We said something to the effect of "we weren't in the parking garage, officer; we were just taking a walk". Even as I said it, it seemed like I should make up something. "Just out for a walk" is exactly what I would say if I was doing something suspicious. So I thought about explaining the triangulation quest we had begun, which subsequently turned into a quest for appropriate compass materials. But I think he would have employed the safety blanket that is the Patriot Act and promptly shot us both in the face for that response.

So instead we stuck with the "don't know what you're talking about; just out for a walk" routine. I expected the drug van to pull up any second. Instead he told us that he had nothing on us and we were "free to go". I love it when authority figures say things like that; as if there was ever any risk that I wouldn't be released for doing nothing.

Know what I've gotten into lately? Sleeping 'til noon.

2005-01-28T18:11:00.000-05:00

Since I lost/discarded/quit my job last year, I've revived a much needed practice: sleeping until noon. No, sadly I have not. I interviewed at RTI International a couple of weeks ago, and I'm still waiting to hear back. In the meantime, I've been keeping busy. Katie makes me get up each morning by 8 or 9am to take her to school. Despite my morning grumblings to her, I really appreciate the forced awakening. Otherwise, I would sleep until noon, thus starting with a half-over day. It's nice to do two or three things and still discover that "morning" is still going on.

Last week I started my first true freelance web design contract with NCSU, working on the College of Engineering Safety Committee's website. It's decent work; not a life career move, but something I enjoy and it's money. In the last week I was inspired to revamp my own website, as will be evident to frequenters of this site.

In addition to not sleeping 'til noon, freelance web design, and writing rants I've also been working on my own flavor of physics engine middleware. Middleware is a term for software that is nothing by itself but nicely compliments other software to create a full package. Examples of middleware include graphics engines like Gamebryo and other physics engines like Havok and Meqon. My physics engine would be marketable to video game designers, but (hopefully) accurate enough for researchers as well. This is my ultimate backup plan in the event that I fail to find gainful employment. I will develop and market a physics engine while supporting myself with freelance web design and/or computational research assistantship goodness, not unlike my good buddy and former roommate Alex.

I quit my new job!

2004-12-30T18:11:00.000-05:00

Well, that didn't take long. Today I officially resigned from my position as Project Manager at Virtual Reality Aids, Inc.. Read about that job in my previous news post.

But why, you ask? First of all, permit me to explain my feelings towards this job. It's a decent job. It pays well (average salary for a recent BS graduate in a computer company). I'm interested in what I'm doing. But it's not a life career. For one thing, I can stand it, but I don't love it. For another, the company is so small (3 people, including the owner/president) there's nowhere to go. I can't get demoted or promoted; I just am. Again, decent experience for a first job for a recent college grad, but not a major career move.

However, these are not reasons to quit. I don't know what I what to do with my life…grad school maybe…blah blah blah. But no reason to quit after only a month. So here's the real reason: my first day on the job, I heard back from 3 places at the top of my list I had applied to months previously (I'd heard back from no one since then). I took the interviews, but the copious amount of "time-off" I had to request from my current job became conspicuous, and I told my boss my reasons after she asked.

Well, I will spare the reader the details, but in short I received a lecture on loyalty and commitment and an ultimatum: stay on as Project Manager and tell the other companies that I'm taken or resign. Now an interview is not a job. Quitting my job just to see what's behind door number three is a big risk. On the other hand, I have no family to support; I'm a young guy in good health. And after six months (the end of VRA's current project) I have no guarantee of a job. In fact, the owner of VRA has a history of only running her company for about three years and then laying everyone off and going on holiday. So basically, I traded an ultimately dead-end job with zero job-security for a chance at a job in the major leagues. And if I don't get that, then I'll start my own company. I'll take the mystery box…door…whatever.

Initially I felt very guilty for quitting. I felt that I had let the owner down. It was a very small company (3 people) with much of the work being contracted out (see happyshow.tv). But I had made a commitment to build video games that could really help some kids with serious disabilities. One the other hand, I was not the talent. If the Unreal Scripter or character designer/animator quit, we'd have to get another; the position was not expendable. However, the project manager contributes no direct game material or talent -- it's just a coordinating position. Still important, but the position itself is ultimately expendable. The owner told me how disappointed she was in me and how she took a chance of a recent college grad and that was clearly a mistake. It nearly brought me to tears. But that's life. People quit jobs. People move on. I had to move on.

There are some publicly available images at happyshow.tv of VRA's main character "Buddy" (a dog) and his favorite weapon: the Pixie-B-Gone dusting gun. See http://www.happyshow.tv/client/vra/.

I start my new job!

2004-11-30T18:12:00.000-05:00

Several people will probably ask me for details regarding my new job, so I'm going to write this down once to avoid telling the same story a dozen times:

My job:

My official title is "Project Manager" for a an extremely small video game company named do2learn (www.do2learn.com). Do2learn specializes in educational video game technology for autism and other learning disabilities. Examples are games that teach children how to cross the street despite distractions, exiting a home in the event of a fire, and appropriate playground behavior (i.e. not walking in front of a swing).

We have a 3D animator & character modeler, an artist, and a professional UnrealScipter (we are using the Unreal Tournament Game Engine) to control the character behavior. My job is to bring all the elements together and make sure everything works the way it should. For my first job, I expected to be on the lower echelon of the totem pole, chained to a desk writing low level code all day; so the position of Project Manager may sound unusual for an entry-level position. However, my lack of experience combined with my understanding of game technology, source code, scripting, and 3D animation makes me an ideal andidate for testing and bringing these elements together, while my relative newness to the professional world makes me an undesirable candidate for something as highly specialized as Unreal Script coding. At the same time, while overseeing the project I will undoubtedly obtain this knowledge/experience, thus giving an enormous boost to my resume.

I've usually concentrated my interests in particular areas of gaming technology (i.e. source code, character models, etc) but I've never overseen an entire project from start to finish, so the job is both exciting and a bit scary. I'll be taking on a lot of new responsibilities. I start as soon after Thanksgiving as possible (i.e. Monday). I may only start off part-time for the first 2 weeks due to my current job at NC State officially ending on Dec. 15. My boss at NC State hired me knowing I was searching for a "real job" and was prepared to loose me at any time. However, she left for Thanksgiving holiday last week, so I haven't seen her since the new job offer. Thus, I'm sure there will be a couple of days she'd like to spend getting everything I've done together and making sure she understands it.

Do2Learn:

Currently there are only about 4 or 5 people in the company, owned by Dorothy Strickland. The company operates off federal grant money unlike other commercial video game operations. The good news is we have a ton of money sitting around in a bank account sufficient to sustain us for at least a year. The bad news is the current administration likes to cut funding for programs not directly related to petroleum products.

Currently, our "office" is a few desks and high power computers in Dorothy's home, but she is looking to lease "real" office space soon. This does mean that I will actually go from my home to a place of business, working with other human beings in a relaxed office atmosphere. Her home is in Raleigh only a few miles from my condo, so I don't need to drive to Durham or Chapel Hill every morning in rush hour traffic.