5:47 PM// Spotted Snow Leopards

I was just using this beautiful Sunday afternoon to catch up on some happenings in the World, and I decided to get some updates on Ms. Ayala, the woman claiming to have found a finger in her bowl of Wendy's chili. It turns out Sandy Allman of Pahrump believes the finger tip may belong to her, since it was bitten off by her spotted snow leopard. Naturally. Ya know, I hate to deviate from Ms. Ayala's fifteen minutes here, but does anyone else find it odd that you could find a spotted snow leopard in a private home in rural America? What the hell is this woman doing with such an animal? Apparently she keeps it as a pet. Well, I love my dog enough to let it sleep at the foot of my bed, but I think personal dismemberment is where I draw the line. Still not as bad as the woman who reported to authorities in total disbelief that her beloved LION had eaten her two-year-old after she LEFT HER CHILD ALONE WITH THE LION.

I am, however, quite impressed with the general public's refusal to believe or be unsettled by the finger allegations. During this time where the media tries to make us afraid of everything, including making preparations for a possible life as a vegetable, most people seem to be refusing the hype. Despite the fact that Wendy's claims to be downsizing amidst lost revenue due to Ayala's claims, people were jokingly stuffing their faces with Wendy's chili the very next day at the same restaurant. Good for them. I mean good for not buying into the hype, not polluting their bodies with something as horrendous as fastfood chili. Even those who believe it was really a finger from an industrial accident and not added by Ayala are not concerned with disease, since the finger was well-cooked.

In the words of Ralph Woodman, "It had to be some sort of screwball ruse."