6:03 PM// RTI Update

My new estimated start date is May 16^th. I can't stress enough how I've been counting down the days. To pass the time, I've been dabbling in yard work around town which has the added benefit of providing miniscule funds so that I don't starve before I can really rake it in, as it were. I love to compare the amount I make per week doing yard work to the amount I'd make in a half day working at RTI. For example, if I'd started RTI on April 4^th as originally planned, I'd have already made about twice as much as in the last two months doing webdesign, and more than enough to completely finance my earlier trips to France & Spain.

Not that I'm driven by money -- no no. I have no interest in acquiring wealth beyond wealth, but I would like very much not to have to think about it. Also, graduate school, culinary school, extensive travel, entrepenueral concepts, etc. are all possibilities on the horizon -- all things that having a bit of savings wouldn't hurt in the least.

I'm also trying to get back into tutoring. I've been to Raleigh's Haven House: Project READY a few times to flex my math muscles for determined, however unfortunately undereducated, youth. This does mean I've been getting out of the house and interacting with real, live human beings; and I always have Beija to keep me occupied.

6:04 PM// Chiefly British

I finally uncovered the meaning of the chiefly british phrase "as an actor said to a bishop". I still have yet to learn the etymology of this phrase, but here is the gist of the meaning:

In normal conversation, when something is said with a possible sexual double meaning, intoning this popular phrase acknowledges and brings attention to the double entendre; it is similar to the phrase, "no pun intended". Example:

Honey, could stroke my pole a bit? Oh, as an actor said to a bishop!

Now exactly why actors are making sexual references to bishops is beyond me at the moment. Anyone with information should send an email to with all speed.

6:04 PM// In the news today

This is interesting - the Capitol Hill Prayer Alert Foundation: a group that doesn't realize it's possible to love the Gospel and be a Christian without cramming it down everyone else's throat. Apparently, making it illegal to force your beliefs on others is to "hate the Gospel".

Fox News Alert: DeLay finds support amongst decent gun-loving Americans whilst taking a "tongue-lashing" from those radical left-wingers. Includes pictures of good 'ole Tom smiling smugly while hard-ass Howard Dean is depicted spitting venom. No Spin Zone my ass.

5:47 PM// Spotted Snow Leopards

I was just using this beautiful Sunday afternoon to catch up on some happenings in the World, and I decided to get some updates on Ms. Ayala, the woman claiming to have found a finger in her bowl of Wendy's chili. It turns out Sandy Allman of Pahrump believes the finger tip may belong to her, since it was bitten off by her spotted snow leopard. Naturally. Ya know, I hate to deviate from Ms. Ayala's fifteen minutes here, but does anyone else find it odd that you could find a spotted snow leopard in a private home in rural America? What the hell is this woman doing with such an animal? Apparently she keeps it as a pet. Well, I love my dog enough to let it sleep at the foot of my bed, but I think personal dismemberment is where I draw the line. Still not as bad as the woman who reported to authorities in total disbelief that her beloved LION had eaten her two-year-old after she LEFT HER CHILD ALONE WITH THE LION.

I am, however, quite impressed with the general public's refusal to believe or be unsettled by the finger allegations. During this time where the media tries to make us afraid of everything, including making preparations for a possible life as a vegetable, most people seem to be refusing the hype. Despite the fact that Wendy's claims to be downsizing amidst lost revenue due to Ayala's claims, people were jokingly stuffing their faces with Wendy's chili the very next day at the same restaurant. Good for them. I mean good for not buying into the hype, not polluting their bodies with something as horrendous as fastfood chili. Even those who believe it was really a finger from an industrial accident and not added by Ayala are not concerned with disease, since the finger was well-cooked.

In the words of Ralph Woodman, "It had to be some sort of screwball ruse."

6:05 PM// Job? What Job?

Despite my presumed start date of April 4, I write this article now due to a disappointing phone call I received March 31. It turns out the federal government hasn't quite processed all the necessary paperwork to ensure that RTI will get their big government contract, which means, of course, that I'm destined once again to do nothing for a while. Alas, it is not time for despair; I got the job, I just can't start the job. For a while. Maybe never…but probably soon.

My new found emptiness is different than previously. Previously I knew I had nothing to do for a while and hence strategically placed inane obstacles in my life, such as web design for hire and vehicular repair. For the past couple of weeks I've been feeling a bit of the "ready, steady, …" syndrome as my adrenaline levels slowly increased in anticipation of my newly found busyness. But since I had not planned on not working this week, I naturally planned nothing else. So I'm left with a sudden loss of breath that's claimed my remaining scotch.

Classic time-wasters include working on my website, web design for hire, walking beija, & getting my car fixed. Frankly, I'm sick of web design. And it's spring. The outdoors calls, but only beija will answer. And besides, my laptop vomited a load of dust bunnies recently and the cooling fan hasn't been the same since. I have been considering embarking on a spiritual quest, but I'm not sure how much time I've got.

And herein lies the fundamental problem: I don't know how much time I've got. I may have anywhere from a week to a month before I start, so it's difficult to plan. Being the utterly broke, unemployed slag that I am it would be nice to find a short term project that might earn me a bit of extra cash. But then, how can you sign up for a job when you know you may only have a week? Or more; different frogs, different times. Oops, slipped into The Office references again. I must remember not to watch that show quite so many times a day.

Free time on the freelove freeway; the love is free and the time is long…